January 5, 2020
“God can’t hand you something if you’re not willing to let go of something else”
When my big sister, with a soft, kind, voice stated this on the phone last night….my heart went quiet….It was like I was in the Superbowl championship… and the winning touchdown was just passed to me….the crowd got quiet, I held onto that advice…..soaked it in for a second and suddenly my heartfelt victory.
After speaking for a while about changes, and accepting new things….both things I struggle with- my sister’s advice became the most thought-provoking message that sank deeply, and immediately into my dry bones. Something I needed. That “Ah-ha” moment. For that, I am thankful.
See, my sister, our story… it’s a little different. She and I weren’t raised together and just recently made a connection nearly two years ago. Honestly, my heart feels like I’ve known her my whole life, although aches for the memories we’ve missed out on. Weddings, bringing home my babies, graduations, and so much more. However, one thing my sister has taught me to do, was to embrace today, as yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is yet to come. We speak daily through text, offering prayer, vent sessions, victory chats, and more. It’s truly been a blessing to my family’s life to finally have her and her husband 110% by our side.
It took a simple moving pod from two doors down to break the wall around our relationship…due to that, I appreciate yesterday, today, and tomorrow more than ever with her… Because it’s truly a gold-plated gift from God. An answered prayer, and a victory. It’s a touchdown.
Just like our conversation last evening. I’ve been chewing on, thinking on, and praying over a situation that has held me by the wrists for nearly two years… Something that I feel attached to and don’t want to give up, but truly have struggled to close the door, and move towards the path before me… We get so caught up in daily life routines that sometimes being pushed from our comfort zones, and questioning what’s ahead is scary. God can slap us in the face with confirmation over and over again, we can still question. Sometimes it’s not evident to us. Until words, so bluntly drench us like cold water in weary eyes… saying “Good morning!!! Wake up!!!”
Really I think it’s more like Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” But sometimes it’s that sudden wake-up call that makes it clear… for me, that was last night.
So often we gravitate towards routine, easy, typical day movements…. We don’t stray from the path, because of the unknown. Scripture reminds us, that If God brought us to it, he will bring us through it… So often these words were spoken, but sometimes received with a preteen eye-roll attitude that doesn’t want to hear it. Because in the moment it feels lonely, hopeless, and dark. It’s filled with confusion and questions. It’s hard to see clearly until we’re looking back.
More than once in my life, I felt like I couldn’t keep my head above water. Sometimes I felt like God found humor in watching me struggle. It wasn’t until I stood up, and looked back to realize, I survived. I made it. What felt impossible was possible. I’d often give myself the pat on the back like “Look at you; you made it” until there were these moments where it was so clear, I didn’t carry myself out of that storm. I was too weak. I was too tired.
But then “a hero comes along, gives the strength to carry on.” You pull up your britches and begin to put one foot in front of the other. See God works in the most beautiful ways, we so often don’t have clarity in his work until it’s finished, or in process. It’s so hard to navigate through his plan because we don’t have the answers. But then he gives real-life angels, the words he’s been trying to speak for a while, to share with you- that he has you. To trust him.
For that, I am thankful.
Some of the hardest, darkest, days of my life….were the best days of my story. I’ll save my true testimony for a day that I truly feel called to share, but one thing I can tell you is I had a moment in my life, where God showed up in the most powerful way that it was clear he was loud and proud…. He was holding me up like a Giant, celebrating at a rock concert. Ha. You know like I was crowd surfing… okay okay, it wasn’t that victorious. I was weathered… I was tired… I was face down… It was more like he was pulling me out of the middle of the ocean that I had been treading in for hours, crying, lost, and exhausted from the continuous efforts to keep my head above water… That moment that I started to go under, he held out his hand and pulled my entire body out of the water….Wrapped his arms around me and just held me. In that moment, I could have stayed forever… but he pushed me to rise to the woman he has designed me to be. To close doors of my past that held me captive, and trust in his plan for my future.
In that moment… I never questioned his love. I never questioned his presence. I never questioned his plan for my life. Recently, I got caught up in the hustle-bustle. With the drowning pain within our community and the chaos of homeschooling my most treasured masterpieces…I realized I’m holding onto safe, consistent, comfortable, ideas. That God is throwing me incredible open doors, but I’ve been afraid to go through them.
Until last night. He used the physical body, of my sister’s obedient heart. One thing I love about our relationship… is she’s not afraid to say what she feels. Which is huge. Being so new to our relationship….that’s a hard place to get to. But we did, quickly. It’s like a sister card where there is no penalties or fouls.
I was never so thankful for her with love, blunt, words in security to say what her heart feels. Because last night, truer words have never been spoken. Something I needed to hear. So, as I proceed into the next door, calling, desire of my heart and set the confusion aside… I might have just fumbled in the Superbowl playoff game… or I might of just seen victory from a different point of view. Whatever it is, I am ready. My arms are open and held wide for whatever God throws to me. Whichever direction I’m meant to be…. “Because he can’t hand me something new if I’m afraid to let go of something from the past.”
To my sister. I love you. Forever and eternity.